I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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