you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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