yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
