Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i just google imaged poop.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I think I have vodka in my lungs
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
