biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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