You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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