can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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