Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
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