Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
