i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
