So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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