what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
