He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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