you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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