hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
