she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
