She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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