brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
