Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
is it fun? or sober?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
