I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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