bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
