If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
