ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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