Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
