What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
this just has baby written all over it
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
