i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize