Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
