Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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