i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
