I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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