For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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