Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize