Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
