I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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