He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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