Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i love accidental penises.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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