I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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