This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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