now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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