I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
