why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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