This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
