i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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