Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I want a musical about memes.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
