next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
