If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
