someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
