she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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