you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
