I hate your face
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
