Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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