my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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