i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize