what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
