all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
