Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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