I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
