Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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