All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
