We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
