You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
