3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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