Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
