Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
