apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize