Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
He had one of those small greek statue penises
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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