She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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