Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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