There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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